Introduction
When most people think of abuse, they picture physical violence—bruises, broken bones, and visible wounds. Yet many survivors will tell you that the deepest scars are the ones you cannot see. Coercive control is a subtle, insidious form of abuse that uses fear, manipulation, and domination to strip away a person’s autonomy. It is often misunderstood, minimized, or even dismissed, yet it can be as harmful—or more harmful—than physical violence. Recognizing the signs of coercive control is an essential step in supporting survivors, preventing long-term harm, and rebuilding healthy relationships.
Defining Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviors designed to dominate and entrap another person. It is not about isolated incidents but about ongoing, strategic tactics aimed at undermining independence, eroding self-esteem, and instilling fear (Stark, 2007). Evan Stark, who first popularized the term, described it as being “caged” without visible bars. Survivors often describe feeling trapped in invisible chains—unable to leave even when they are not physically restrained.
Some common tactics of coercive control include:
- Gaslighting: manipulating someone into doubting their own perceptions, memory, or sanity.
- Isolation: cutting off contact with friends, family, or outside supports.
- Surveillance: monitoring phone calls, emails, social media, or physical movements.
- Micro-regulation: dictating what someone wears, eats, spends money on, or how they parent.
- Threats and intimidation: making the survivor believe consequences will follow if they resist.
Why It Goes Unrecognized
Unlike physical abuse, coercive control often leaves no bruises. Survivors may not even recognize that what they are experiencing is abuse because the tactics are subtle, normalized, or presented as “love” or “protection.” Research suggests that coercive control is a strong predictor of severe harm, including homicide (Kelly & Johnson, 2008). Yet legal systems, communities, and even professionals sometimes miss the signs, focusing narrowly on physical violence.
Psychological Impact
The psychological toll of coercive control can be devastating. Survivors often experience:
- Chronic anxiety and hypervigilance: constantly scanning for danger or disapproval (Herman, 2015).
- Depression and hopelessness: feeling that escape or change is impossible.
- Erosion of identity: survivors may describe themselves as having “lost who I am.”
- Trauma bonding: developing emotional dependence on the abuser due to cycles of fear and intermittent kindness (Dutton & Painter, 1993).
The damage can persist long after the relationship ends, making healing a long and careful process.
Somatic Effects: Abuse in the Body
Coercive control doesn’t just impact the mind—it reshapes the body. Survivors often report digestive issues, chronic pain, sleep disturbances, and autoimmune responses linked to prolonged stress (van der Kolk, 2014). The nervous system adapts to living in an unsafe environment, shifting survivors into states of hyperarousal (fight/flight) or collapse (freeze). This embodied experience of control means recovery requires more than talk—it requires reconnecting with the body in safe and supportive ways.
Recognizing the Signs in Relationships
Whether in intimate partnerships, family relationships, or workplaces, coercive control thrives in silence. Warning signs include:
- One partner always needing “permission” for basic activities.
- Fear of “getting it wrong” or facing consequences for small mistakes.
- Loss of social connections and increasing isolation.
- Sudden changes in personality, clothing, or habits under pressure from another.
- Secrecy, avoidance of questions, or minimizing concerns when asked about the relationship.
Moving Forward: Breaking the Chains
Naming coercive control is a powerful first step. For survivors, recognition validates that they are not imagining things, that what they experienced is real, and that it is abuse. For allies and professionals, learning about coercive control opens doors to more effective support.
Practical steps for survivors may include:
- Documenting patterns: keeping a journal or log when safe to do so.
- Building safe connections: reconnecting with trusted friends, family, or professionals.
- Working with trauma-informed practitioners: seeking therapy or coaching that recognizes coercive control dynamics.
- Somatic practices: grounding, breathing, and gentle movement to restore nervous system balance.
Conclusion & Invitation
Coercive control is abuse in its most invisible form—chains without locks, cages without walls. By bringing it into the light, we create pathways for survivors to step out of silence and into freedom. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.
If you recognize yourself in these words or want support in healing from coercive control, we invite you to take the next step. At diversepathswellness.com, we offer somatic and trauma-informed recovery coaching to help you rebuild trust in yourself, reconnect with your body, and reclaim your life.
References
- Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: A test of traumatic bonding theory. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105–120.
- Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
- Kelly, J. B., & Johnson, M. P. (2008). Differentiation among types of intimate partner violence: Research update and implications for interventions. Family Court Review, 46(3), 476–499.
- Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.
- van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.